I was so full of issues and frustrations, I couldn’t sleep. There were so many things I wanted to do, needed to do, some I didn’t know where to start. Some things were totally down to me, some were joint problems and some were clearly things I knew little about, so should I just avoid them?

My head was in a muddle and I was very, very cross.

I’d tried so many different things but where do I go for help – who do I talk to?

I had asked George (my husband) if we could get together to chat. But by then the time had really come, the bubble really burst. I ‘blew’. The frustration that had built up came out in a torrent. His face was a picture. Part of the frustration was that I didn’t know what to do about my ‘things to do’ list. I was looking for a way forward, someone to sat ‘I can do that for you, get grants and so on.’ I accepted that the help would cost money but I was willing to accept that. 

I knew I wouldn’t be able to do all these things on my own, I didn’t have the knowledge. I'd done some research on farm buildings but it was taking an age and I was trying a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I had to get others on board, but who? I had a lot of heavyweight projects on my list – wildlife farming, steading renovation, agri grants, succession, house and offices, finding a farming diversification expert, personal heath, inheritance planning and more. I would no doubt have worked on this and that, doing research, trying to work out a way forward. Just thinking about made me realise I was in a mess and I didn’t see things improving.

Where could I go for help? My accountant, solicitor, a land agent, an agri consultant. I shuddered just thinking about the cost. Where would I start. What would I say. It would take hours just to chat through what I had on my plate and for the ‘expert to just listen would cost anything from £100 – 250 per hour – no guarantees, no quote – like stepping into the abyss.

I was introduced to a template

Once he recovered from my outburst and understood just how much all this was ‘screwing me up’, George came up with a suggestion. He worked with business owners and managers to help them deal with the kind of situations that I was facing. While I worried about succession and farm buildings, they were dealing with sales and profit, difficult staff, finding the right specialists, what direction to take their business and so on. In other words, here were sensible, capable people dealing with problems that they didn’t know how to handle – just like me.

So, we agreed a time and place to meet. No phones and no interruptions. Out came the flip chart. George asked questions listed in up-lifter and wrote the answers on the flipchart so we could both see exactly what was going on. I was publishing, going public!

Who are you? Well, that was easy.

What do you do? Getting a bit harder – had to think about that.

What are your ISSUES?

How long have you got?!! Some were easy while others were a bit more contentious (good word for ‘fighting talk’) George’s pen rattled them out and then underlined some several times, put stars at the main points. We parried back and forth on vocabulary, tone, angle of some points until we had an agreed version of my ISSUES. The flipchart was a total mess but the mist had lifted in my head. I could just about see things unravelling and felt so much clearer, more empowered. There's still a lot to do but we made a date for our next session and we both have some homework. I’ll sleep tonight.

Next day, I typed up my notes from the flipchart in prep for our next session, sessions last one hour maximum. (We still have our lives to lead.) Things were looking good.

The whole experience - setting time aside, working with George, writing on the flipchart, typing the notes, listing ALL my issues and aims – let me relax from day one onwards!

I honestly never thought it would be possible to deal with all my problem projects at once, in one plan and timetable. It stopped me ‘bouncing’ around and gave me a way to move forward. It gave me ‘a voice’, I could see what I wanted or needed to think about. It takes away the pressure that ‘Oh, I’ll have to do something about that.’  It stops things, important things, drifting. 

Part of my anger, maybe fear, was that some of my projects involved others including George and the family. Every family has taboo topics and I didn’t want to cause upsets or fights. And, the unexpected happened – there was never any disagreement or ‘fallouts’. up-lifter states very clearly, no matter who is involved, everyone gets their say – no editing by the boss or bully! Every issue or project was dealt as a team. We both were allowed to speak our minds. Writing down our thoughts seemed to defuse any situation. Believe it or not, we were are working as a formidable team. 

The process demands that you are honest and don’t take shortcuts, otherwise you confuse everyone including yourself. And, that's just a really bad use of your time. Of course, as the world changes, your own priorities take a different tack or some of todays’ problems are resolved into obscurity, you simply go back to the process – again, and again and again.

Since I was lucky enough to come across the process, I've become very interested in how other people approach projects in their lives. It's just so obvious to me that almost everyone would be a lot better off making up-lifter a part of their life. Get yourself someone to meet with, get a flipchart, set time aside and follow up-lifter, or as I call it… 

… the only process for me!

Get up-lifter  www.up-lifter.co.uk/store       It’s worth the risk, particularly as there is no risk!